A Must-read For ‘Fat’ Women
- JWB Post
- September 7, 2015
Are you on the heavy side of weight? Do you hate it when people call you ‘fat’?
At JWB, we have women in every size working happily towards our common mission of telling you inspiring stories. And we are grateful for that. Sadly, weight issues are taking over the lives of millions of women making them unhappy and ungrateful about other beautiful things around.
Moreover, weight issues have become one of the major reasons behind bullying. Add to this pain the complex fat women generate within themselves.
Talking of bullying, it can be of various forms. Starting from people calling you ‘fat’, ‘overweight’ to people saying ‘You look better in THAT dress’. What, don’t fat women look good in other dresses? This ‘compliment’ definitely sounds like an abuse, agree?
Writer Sesali (@BadFatBlackGirl) talks about one such ‘compliment’ – “pretty for a big girl”. She explains:
“It is worth noting for the record that I’ve lived in a fat body for most of my life. The realities of fat phobia/fat discrimination in our culture are such that I’m hyper aware of the messages about fat bodies that include us being lazy, uncontrolled, and insecure. And to be honest, in the process of ingesting all these images and their various reiterations from people in family, friendship circles, and communities I’ve spent more than my fair share of time hating my body. Depression and anxiety have been contemptible companions at various points in my life, often a result of existing in a fat body.”
Are you facing the similar kind of depression? Can you relate to her?
“Even in the depths of my depression I’ve been able to build a life for myself that has been fun and relatively enjoyable. Anxiety hasn’t stopped me from creating an amazing community or falling in love. And in my early twenties, with a useful cocktail of self reflection, loving support, fat positive literature, meditation, and determination something changed. I accepted my humanity in a way that was surprisingly stabilizing. I still have really bad days (mainly when I go shopping or have to navigate overcrowded spaces) but I’m definitely ok.”
See, there is always a way out. Keep reading…
“I’ve noticed this because “pretty for a fat girl” seems to have been replaced with “you’re so confident!” I get called “confident” for doing the same things that small and average-size bodied people do without the commentary or “accolades.” Apparently, to be fat and not in a constant state of discomfort and self loathing means that I’ve transcended the limits of normal self-valuation.”
That’s true. We think that somewhere we are responsible for the bullying we receive. Because we keep criticizing our self, we receive the same judgement from the environment (the people around us). Let’s stop doing this. Because this is the best way to stop these ‘compliments’ from coming.
and here’s the final message from Sesali:
“The root of the issue is that it’s hard for some to accept that fat people, particularly fat women, can be normal. We don’t have to exist solely at the extreme ends of your imagined confidence scale. We can have self-doubts without being wholly insecure, and we can be comfortable and not confident. The best way to find out and actually support us as we navigate this terrain is to ask and listen to what we have to say about ourselves.”