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Are you a helicopter parent? Land here!

  • JWB Post
  •  November 29, 2014

 

We have come across the truth-bearing article that gives strong punches to the modern style of parenting. Yes, this is about you and me. And better to recognize this reflection in the mirror today than to keep harvesting the fruits of our misconception in the future. In the end, we talk here about future of our kids that we want, definitely, to be successful.  

The thing is that parents have shifted from teaching self-reliance to becoming hovering helicopter parents who want to protect their children at all costs. As a result, psychologists and psychiatrists are seeing more and more young people having a quarter-life crisis and more cases of clinical depression. The reason? Young people tell them it’s because they haven’t yet made their first million or found the perfect mate.

Teachers, coaches and executives complain that Gen Y kids have short attention spans and rely on external, instead of internal motivation.

Where did we go wrong?

  • We’ve told our kids to dream big – and now any small act seems insignificant. In the great scheme of things, kids can’t instantly change the world. They have to take small, first steps – which seem like no progress at all to them. Nothing short of instant fame is good enough. It’s time we tell them that doing great things starts with accomplishing small goals.
  • We’ve told our kids that they are special – for no reason, even though they didn’t display excellent character or skill, and now they demand special treatment. The problem is that kids assumed they didn’t have to do anything special in order to BESPECIAL.
  • We gave our kids every comfort – and now they can’t delay gratification. And we heard the message loud and clear. We, too, pace in front of the microwave, become angry when things don’t go our way at work, rage at traffic. Now it’s time to relay the importance of waiting for the things we want, deferring to the wishes of others and surrendering personal desires in the pursuit of something bigger than ‘me’.
  • We made our kid’s happiness a central goal – and now it’s difficult for them to generate happiness – the by-product of living a meaningful life. It’s time we tell them that our goal is to enable them to discover their gifts, passions and purposes in life so they can help others. Happiness comes as a result.

The uncomfortable solutions:

We need to let our kids fail at 12 – which is far better than at 42. We need to tell them the truth (with grace) that the notion of ‘you can do anything you want’ is not necessarily true. Kids need to align their dreams with their gifts. Every girl with a lovely face won’t necessarily become a Bollywood star; every Little Cricket player won’t play for the major tournaments. Let them learn understand and discover their talents.

Allow them to get into trouble and accept the consequences. It’s okay to make a “C-“. Next time, they’ll try harder to make an “A”.

Balance autonomy with responsibility. If your son borrows the car, he also has to re-fill the tank.

Collaborate with the teacher, but don’t do the work for your child. If he fails a test, let him take the consequences.

We need to become velvet bricks – soft on the outside and hard on the inside and allow children to fail while they are young in order to succeed when they are adults.

Excerpts from the blog of Mickey Goodman 

Content Creator, Journalist, Memoirist

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