Sext to your wife ‘Happy Karwa Chauth’? Read what followed next for this Husband!
- JWB Post
- October 30, 2015
Me: “Baby I want to fondle your books.”
Oh shit! (beat my head) Damn it, this autocorrect feature in Smartphones. Why the hell has the word boobs got replaced with books???
Ping (message from Priyal): “God! So I am the unlucky woman whose husband can’t even use a Smartphone for sexting!”
I know it seems odd, even by my standards that the person in the other end is Priyal, but such is my fate that after online dating with my mother-in-law, I am now sexting with my wife. It happened this way,
10:30 AM: The sound of mobile phone wakes me up from my reverie. What the hell! With my wife visiting her folks, I could have slept for at least two more hours.
But after reading the message, which is from Priyal, whatever sleep that I had evaporates.
Priyal: Wakey wakey sleephead! We didn’t really do anything last night that you would sleep so late. (btw what do you think about tonight?)
I actually slap myself to check that this is not a dream.
Ping, another message: It’s Karwa Chauth love. I am fasting for the entire day. Will be very hungry at the night 😛
My god, who are you and what have you done with my wife?
See, even though I am now a much tech-savvy person (courtesy long hours of online dating) but such a conversation with my wife is something that I am clueless about.
So, with trembling hands, I compose my message.
Me: You want me to bring some food for you?
Hey, why has she sent me an angry looking smiley?
Then it dawns upon me.
Ok maybe she is not talking about hunger in the traditional sense of the word.
Her next message makes me sweat even more profusely.
Priyal: “Baby I wanna feel you inside me tonight.”
See, I am a ‘decent’ man. It is another thing to chat with unknown women with a little tinge of explicit content, but sexting with my wife is something that I find quite difficult. But hey, there’s another one.
Priyal: “I had a naughty dream last night and guess who was in it? I’ll give you a hint. I’m texting him right now.”
Me: “Ah, yes, I too had sort of a nightmare. Maybe the rajma was overcooked yesterday night?”
Priyal: “Can you only talk about food and sleeping?”
So guess my next step? The god called Google!
After surfing the internet for a few hours, and searching about sexting I finally decide that I am prepared to engage my wife in some casual erotica.
My first message to my wife: “ Tell me you are a bad girl and need to be published!!”
Oh no! Now, punished has become published and Priyal’s gonna kill me.
Priyal: “Pathetic! You know, when a Smartphone falls into your hand, it actually becomes unsmartphone.”
Ah why does this always happen to me? But my phone beeps once again.
Priyal: “ Btw I didn’t know that my husband is a sadist and practices BDSM. Otherwise, why would he try to use a line straight from Fifty Shades of Grey, which is completely out of text?? This is a new low, even for you.”
Now, how would I explain that I am a completely novice in sexting and as for Fifty Shades of Grey, I did try to watch the Hindi dubbed version but got out of the hall after an hour of torture (pun intended).
Priyal: “Don’t you want to know that what I am wearing under my clothes?”
Count in a couple of naughty looking smileys.
Me: “Yes darling. Tell me is mummy ji home?”
The thought of meeting my mother-in-law after the dating episode is not something that I am looking forward to.
Priyal: “Ok, I GIVE UP. Now that we have even talked about my parents in our failed sexting session, I quit. It was my bad that I even expected this to work out.”
Now, how would I explain talking dirty to my wife is new to me. It’s not the same when you are chatting to other women.
After sighing loudly, I get out from my car and ring my doorbell. Invariably, it’s mummy ji who opens the door. I see that even she is weary after the dating episode and after a few loose words leaves me alone.
I make my way to the roof through the stairs. It’s 9:30PM and Priyal is standing looking towards the room. On the roof, bathed in moonlight, her dress looks shimmery and all of a sudden I feel that she is right about me. I, a person who can’t even think dirty when needed, don’t really deserve such a beautiful and amazing woman.
She looks back and our eyes meet. Surprisingly, she smiles at me. But I thought that she would be quite miffed with me! After the customary rituals of Karwa Chauth we look at each other and she looks so great that I really can’t take my eyes away.
So, my not so dirty minded husband, what are you thinking?
I..I was thinking that your dress is beautiful and…
And? She raises an eyebrow.
And much like you were in the morning, I too am ‘hungry.’
Another smile and then we decide to retire for the night.