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Priya Motiani

JWB Blogger

Women Around Us Are Turning Into DIWALI ZOMBIES! Help!

  • JWB Post
  •  November 5, 2015

 

Time: A week before Diwali, Venue: The drawing room.

The Lady: *Dressed in a shabby gown and a messy bun* *Screams* WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE TO MY CURTAINS!?!?

The Laundry chap: *Nervously* Memsaab, what happened?

The Lady: Look at thaaat! *points at a teeny-tiny shaded spot barely visible to the naked eye*

The Laundry Chap: *Scratches his head and tries hard to spot the spot*

The Lady: This spot will be a spot on my reputation as a home-maker when my relatives come over on Diwali. Now be gone! And don’t show me your face until you’ve taken that spot off of my curtains.

The Laundry Chap: *Confused* Yes memsaab!

Time: 2 days before Diwali, Venue: The Kitchen

The Lady: *Dressed in an oil and flour soaked apron. Not enough hair left on the head to tie a bun* WHY ON EARTH DO THESE GUJJIYAS HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED!?

Time: Diwali Morning, Venue: Bedroom

The Husband: *About to sit on the bed*

The Lady: *Appears out of nowhere like a ninja and warns* Sit without wrinkling my bedsheet or my cushion covers or my side-desk cover.

Time: Diwali Evening, Venue: The dressing room

The Lady: *1. Gives a final cleaning touch to the mirror with one hand. 2. Instructs the kids about where the diyas are kept. 3. Skillfully applies lipstick with the other hand while speaking and cleaning at the same time.*

The Family and The Relatives: WHERE ON EARTH IS SHE!? Always late! Looks like she’s been snoring since the morning!

The Lady: *Facepalm*

Can you relate with The Lady of this act?

Is the larger-than-life festival Diwali causing you to pull out your hair?

Are the stains and spots of your drawing room haunting your dreams?

Have your Gujjiyas started tasting like Bhujia?

Does PM Narendra Modi’s cleanliness drive shy away in front of yours?

Did you nod as a response to these questions?

Yes? Then I hate to break this to you that you’re miserably suffering from DAS. Wondering what that is? It is Diwali Anxiety Syndrome, a hypothetical disease created and diagnosed by blogger Priya Motiani.

Other than being a fabricated part of my bizarre imagination, Diwali Anxiety Syndrome is a pet term that I fondly use to describe the cleanliness, sweet-ness, shopaholic-ness, and all the other ness-es of the distressed women during Diwali.

Like, seriously! Take a minute to ponder over what I just said. The concept of Diwali has shifted from being a festival of joy and merriment to that of tension and never-ending work for women. So much so, that they do not even realize those minor panic attacks and those anxious moments that come in the way. Dearest women, let’s chill a bit this Diwali and try to find merry moments instead of stubborn spots.

Oh, and if you responded with ‘No’ in that little questionnaire of mine, then well, why are you still here! You have no worries in the world, my friend! Go hop around, eat sweets, and fly a kite! (This time I mean it literally.)

PS: Those who read my blogs regularly will get the ‘fly a kite’ joke within a nanosecond.

PPS: Have I just now discreetly urged you to read my blogs regularly?

PPPS: Okay, this isn’t about me. Let’s stay focused on my creation: Diwali Anxiety Syndrome.

#KThanksBye

PPPPS: (This is the last. I promise!) Happy Diwali! :)

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