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5 Ways To Deal With Your Kid’s Snarkiness

  • JWB Post
  •  December 4, 2015

 

Don’t TRY to be cool, dear parents. The problem with most of the parents is that they think they are way better in parenting than their parents were.

The truth is, things aren’t really rosy during parenthood. Use these five techniques when you feel triggered by your kids’ reactivity:

  1. Show some compassion

Do you remember being a kid? Can you recall what it was like wanting your independence? Start by acknowledging and validating their emotions and struggles, while being slower to judge or jump in and “fix.”

Try this: “I know that it made you mad when I told you that you couldn’t go to your sister’s house, anyone would be disappointed.”

  1. Give them space

Focus on finding opportunities to let them test their own decision making skills, celebrate with them when things go well, and support them in failing forward when things don’t work as planned.

Try this: “I can tell you’re upset. Let’s talk in 10 minutes when you have some time to calm down.” (Make sure YOU’RE the one to check back in!)

  1. Communicate clearly

Our kids need stability to help them figure out their own rules and preferences in life. Get clear on which rules are “nice to haves” vs “must haves”, for you as a parent.

Be willing to let go a bit, but draw a line clearly and distinctly. Then, make it clear for your kids where you will and will not bend.

For example, it is okay to lose something but to apologize for the same is a must.

  1. Love them unconditionally

Some of our kid’s behavior changes are a way of feeling less connected to us, and more connected to the outside world — their next adventure. Sometimes, what they need most is to know that there is safe place to return after a hard day of living life.

Sending them love even when they don’t ask for it, even when they might not reciprocate, is the most powerful gift that you can give your child. The side effects for you probably won’t hurt either. Give them a hug (probably goes best with #1 or #2).

  1. Take care of yourself at the same time

No one told us that being a parent would be as hard as it is on some days. It’s draining, even exhausting, being with someone who used to idolize you, but now argues every word, and pushes every button.

Take some time away, get some support, enjoy the time you have, feed your own fountain, so that you have some energy for the next battle. Soon enough the battles will be over, and the ending will be bittersweet — a grown, independent adult.

This article originally appeared at Your Tango.

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