These sex lies we tell our boys need a break!
- JWB Post
- June 2, 2015
JWB continues its open and frank discussion about sex. Everyone experiences childhood in a culture that teaches a certain set of beliefs about sexuality – what it means to be a man or woman and how people should behave in a sexual relationship. It is surprising how much these myths can affect us even if we know consciously that they are not true. Our culture promotes a male-centric view of sex. Before we can start having better sex , here are some lies we need to stop feeding boys about how “real men” have sex.
This article gives a pretty long list of lies we teach our boys about masculinity, sex and relationships with women. Vow today to break this sad routine:
- A big penis is the only way to please your lover
Is it a universal law that what is bigger has to be better? Only about 4 centimetres (external one third) of the vaginal canal contains sensory nerves for arousal and orgasms. So why waste time trying to stimulate the internal two thirds of the vaginal canal when there is not going to be any response. Focus your attention to more important matters for women!
- Sex Is All About Penetration
Beyond virginity, there is so much more to sex, love and relationships, for instance.
The common idea of virginity is too narrow to be meaningful, and ignores things like oral and anal sex, the experiences of LGBTQ couples and personal conceptions of intimacy.
- All men are born with penises
Gender identity is different from biological sex. Manhood is not defined by what is between your legs.
- Men always want sex
Sometimes men just as women are not ready to have sex. Things like diet, sleep, stress and confidence can all affect the mood. It’s okay not to want sex, and sometimes men don’t.
- Boys Can’t Be Raped
In surveying 40,000 households, the National Violence against Women Survey discovered that 38% of incidents of rape and sexual violence were committed against men — well above previous stats placing the number of male victims at 5 to 14%. Regardless of statistics, denying the reality of male rape is incredibly hurtful to its victims.
- Boys Don’t Need the HPV Vaccine
Though the human papillomavirus (HPV) is typically associated with women, men can also be carriers and pass the virus to female partners.
While we are on the subject, men can also get UTIs and yeast infections. They may not get them as often as women do, but that does not make them any more enjoyable when they do strike.
- What you see in porn is what happens during sex
Because porn is a performance, not an instruction manual, watching a lot of it probably won’t make someone a better lover. Talking with a partner about what makes him or her happy, on the other hand, might do the trick.
- Sex ends with man’s orgasm
Orgasm is not everything for men or for women. It is like a journey to be explored.
- Sex Should Last for at least an hour
Sex is not really like the marathon copulation sessions shown in porn movies. In reality, it hardly lasts for 6 to 7 minutes. In addition, sometimes men just like women get sore after the act. It is up to both the partners to be respectful enough of each other’s pleasure to make sure that both are satisfied, whatever the duration of intercourse itself.
- Bisexual Men are Closeted Homosexuals
Boys should not be made to feel shameful about same-sex attraction, and it is certainly not fair to suggest the line between gay and straight is somehow starker for men than it is for women.
- Oral and Anal Sex Are Safer than Vaginal Sex
While oral and anal sex may not result in pregnancy, you can still give and receive plenty of STIs from either act.
- An Erected Penis Always Means a Guy Wants Sex (And Vice Versa)
Spontaneous erections might be embarrassing, but they are normal, and sometimes have nothing to do with how aroused someone is.
- Boys in Relationships Are being ruled by their girlfriends
Not all the boys in straight terms are controlled by their girlfriends. Sometimes, it is just their personal choice of showing their love and respect for their partner.
- If She Doesn’t Say No, That Means Yes
We need to teach both boys and girls to be clear in their intentions, and always to respect one another’s bodily autonomy.
- Women (and Their Genitals) Are Complicated and Terrifying
Rather than simply providing the most basic, clinical explanations of how babies are made, sex ed would do well to more comprehensively demystify body parts for both men and women.
Moreover, because everyone is a bit different down there, we should teach boys and girls to comfortably communicate with their partners about what they like and don’t like. It is a skill that will serve them well throughout the rest of their lives, both in and out of the bedroom.
- Boys Are Not Allowed to Wait
Because men are stereotyped as constantly having sex on their minds, many expect everyone around them to be doing it. Cultural norms dictate that all boys should be eager to lose it to the first willing person who comes along, but that is not true.
Not having sex does not make someone less of a man, because who you are is not contingent on whom you are sleeping with. It is really no one else’s business.
Add in the comments other myths boys have to cope with in their sex life. Let’s talk openly!