Some days back, Jaipur Women Blog was invited by the ‘Saatviko Creative Hub’  to attend the launch of a book entitled “7 Vows Of Marriage“. Devika Das, the Author, holds the basic concept of marriage in high esteem & has tried to re-establish the sanctity of the same through this book.

A technical writer by profession, this is Devika’s first attempt at penning down her thoughts on paper. Although she’s single, she has very clear views regarding marriage & the aftermath of tying the knot.

Devika is a woman who wholeheartedly believes that arranged marriages trump the love ones by a huge margin. She opened up about her experiences in relation to matrimonial websites as well. She criticizes them after “having being rejected by some 25 prospective grooms on the grounds of being open-minded & highly intellectual.”

Needless to say, her beliefs and pattern of thinking sent JWB into a shock. Her statements did nothing but put women down. Since everybody has the right to voice their opinions, as unjust as they may be, we can’t slap a tape across her mouth. But, we can try to counter her by giving valid arguments. Read on!

Devika also does not believe in the concept of divorce. She says: “If everything is morally & socially right in the marriage, you have no grounds to break it. Nobody has given you that right.”

She added: “Why does the woman have the power to say that she’ll walk out? On what basis did you get married in the first place then? Earlier when women weren’t financially independent, they did not have this sense of egoism in them. They valued the institution of marriage and accepted their role in the family which to bind the family together.”

Um, excuse us?

Translation: If he does not beat you or torture you, why would you even think about breaking up?

Because compatibility, happiness, understanding, love & mutual respect are for suckers, right?

Oh, and women have fought for decades to obtain the right to walk away from something that doesn’t make them happy anymore. We have fought for this freedom, power & degree of empowerment to break the societal chains of restriction and do whatever the hell we want to do. That’s why we value it so much!

She also says: “In an arranged marriage, you need to invest time and put in efforts. Marriage is a mutual companionship, which provides you emotional support after you parents have passed away. But in today’s times, with the growing amount of ambition, marriage tends to take a backseat. Women who are running after economic independence do not wish to marry at a suitable age. What will financial independence do when you’re reaching your prime, and there’s nobody to give you emotional support?

We should consider the age of our parents as well, and think if we’re doing justice or not.”

So, basically, a woman should get married to a man she doesn’t even like, because of her aging parents? Doesn’t marriage depend on finding the right guy instead of the “suitable” age? Won’t your parents be more distressed in their old age if you end up marrying the wrong man just because you HAD to get married anyhow? And also, if you’re financially independent, at least you’ll have the guts to walk away in case it doesn’t work out! Nothing would hold you down.

Devika: “Even if you indulge in a love marriage, you need to get the approval of your in-laws first. Because in 5 years, the love will disappear! And then what will you do? You won’t be able to shift the blame on your parents also. Until and unless two families unite, a marriage cannot work.

FYI, I have seen a ton of love marriages holding up for decades. And I thought marriages work because of the bond shared by two people, not because the families like each other. Guess I was wrong!

“My parents have been married for some forty years, and I doubt if I have the same thing or not….”

“My main idea behind writing this book was not to earn money. But, in today’s times, the one who earns is the one who gets appreciation. So…”

“My reason for delaying marriage is different. I haven’t got anybody who is interested in me yet.”

“One of my friends refused to learn her husband’s native tongue because she did not want to stay with his family after marriage. Why the hell do such girls want to get married then? Go and have a live-in-relationship in Mumbai. It is legalized there.”

Some women value their freedom and independence more than the others. To live alone, or in a joint family, or maybe with three dogs is HER lifestyle choice, which EVERY human being has the right to make. That does not mean that she shouldn’t be allowed to get married at all!

 

“A woman is most suited for the role of a homemaker because she is emotionally strong. A woman will do a better job as a homemaker.

Physically men are obviously stronger than women. They can work for 12 hours & a woman will work for 8 hours while complaining that her boss is making her work overtime! But the man never complains.

So, you should just stay at home! Make it your aim to create an amiable environment at home & do what the God has made you for. And that is why when I get married, I’ll leave my job. Women who try to work and have a family too do not have a very pleasant family life. “

To work or not to work is a choice which women should ask their men about. Will you become small if you take his permission? It certainly won’t deflate my ego. Don’t cry if you’re not allowed to work after getting married!

I wish woman complained more about working overtime! We dare you to go and say this same thing to all those women who start their day by making breakfast & lunch for the family, then work from 9-5, and then have to prepare a wholesome meal again for everybody. They are the last one to sleep and the first to wake up. Do you see them rebelling against working overtime then?

Go and say that to all those women who take care of the entire house even when their noses are blocked & their heads are heavy. All those women who work their asses off at work, so that they can support themselves AND their parents. We dare you, Devika!

And as far as the ‘home-makers’ part is concerned, we are going to pretend that we didn’t hear that. And so should the millions of women all around the globe who are making a name for themselves in various fields ranging from aeronautics, engineering, law, politics, health, to education and entrepreneurship. It’s a slap on those hundreds of years that women have spent fighting for equality.

Don’t get us wrong. There is NOTHING wrong with being a homemaker, as long as it is HER choice.

I would conclude by saying, that SHE doesn’t need permission from anybody, Ms. Das. Indian women are strong & independent enough to make their own choices and live their life the way they wish to, as opposed to being dependent on the mercy of others. Please don’t make them seem weak!

Anyway! To each his own.

What are YOUR thoughts, though? 

[NOTE: This article is NOT a review of Devika Das’ book. The quotes are from the interview she gave to JWB and the presentation during her Book-launch in Jaipur.]