Veenu Pant. The name rang a bell when I was asked to schedule an interview with her. My brain took me back to class VI F in MGD school where she was my class teacher. With a big red bindi, and in curly, bob cut hair; I could clearly trace the vibrant smile down my memory lane. I was thrilled to meet my then history teacher.

Photographer Sanchit and I were welcomed by her and a waggy-tailed German Shepherd, who had managed to scare Sanchit.

After the meet and greet, I seated myself in front of the vibrant Veenu ma’am.

Me: Why History? I mean all kids hate it, don’t they?

Veenu: Maybe I’m lucky that way because most of my students love History. And, I’ve had a strong interest in the subject from the beginning.

Me: How hard was it to raise two children while subsequently juggling with your career?

Veenu: Not even a little bit. I have a joint family, and my parents are incredibly supportive. But yeah, Sundays are dedicated to them, entirely. And, if any case, I need a break, I run away for a good vacation with my children! But yeah, when you’re playing the dual role of a father and a mother both, somewhere you can’t be the ‘perfect’ example of a parent.

Me: You’re a single mother?

Veenu: I was brought back home in an ambulance from my husband’s home while being under the police protection. It was an extreme case of domestic violence. We were in love, and he was my brother’s classmate, so no one objected. There were a few red flags even before the marriage, and I should’ve seen the signals. I sometimes think that maybe his family wasn’t happy with the match. For once, they didn’t want me to pursue RAS. With constant arguments, they made sure that I didn’t take up any job whatsoever.

My fault was that I never said no, I never told them that I wouldn’t let them make the decision for me. But, I loved my in-laws, my husband, and I didn’t want to disrespect them in any way.

Me: When did you decide that it was time for you to move out?

Veenu: Well, I kept the hope alive, but the relation got worse, the violence, verbal or physical only deteriorated. And, it was my son who made the decision for me.

Me: Wow, how old was he?

Veenu: He was only seven and a half. I was bedridden, because of the abuse. The doctor had said that if you want her to live, you must let her lie straight on the bed. I would stare at the ceiling all day long. One evening, my son, Devratt, was watching a cartoon channel, and his paternal grandmother wanted to watch some soap opera. And being a child, Devratt resisted and said that he wanted to watch cartoons. Later, when my husband returned home from work, his mother told him to hang Dev down from the roof until he doesn’t accept his mistake and swear never to touch her Television again. It was the fifth floor, and a child aged seven was hanging from the roof. Later that day, my son hugged me and continued weeping for about an hour. He said, “Mom, why do we live here? Why can’t we leave this place?” When I asked him as to where we would go, he said that let’s go to Nanu’s place. I explained to him that if we left once, there was no coming back.

He said, “We shouldn’t live with those who don’t love us, ma.” And that’s what gave me the strength. The Family Laws in our country are very patriarchal. A mother is not the natural guardian of her child.

Me: The law has changed, though…

Veenu: No, not the laws! Through the verdict of the Supreme Court, only a parallel law has been constructed. Our legislature hasn’t changed it. In those times, I wasn’t even aware of my rights.

Me: Were you afraid how the society would react?

Veenu: No, I was worried that they would snatch my child away from me. In fact, the society was supportive. Whenever I hold discussions with girls, I always tell them, don’t let the fear of the society alter your decision. The society DOES support you! And even if it refuses to, does it matter? They help you. They understand what you’re going through. I didn’t meet anyone who tried to exploit me after knowing my situation.

Me: How long did it take you to recover from the trauma?

Veenu: Physically, it didn’t take that long, mentally it took me years. Initially, the fear knew no limits. I was constantly anxious and couldn’t afford to let my children stay in Jaipur. What if they took them away? There’d be nothing I’d be able to do then!

Me: Back in school, I clearly remember, you were one of the very few positive faces we saw. How did you manage to do that, keeping in mind that you were experiencing the upheaval?

Veenu (chuckling): Thank you. The strength comes solely from my parents. My grandparents were both freedom fighters…

Me: Oh my god! Is that what led to your inclination towards History?

Veenu: Haha. No. I always loved History. My grandmother was a very strong woman. She taught me how important it was to let go of the sourness from my life. And that, it was the only way I could be at peace with myself. She asked me to hold on to the good moments and let go of the negative ones. But the credit goes to my students. I’m most natural and happiest when I’m teaching.

Me: Did you ever try to find love again?

Veenu: It would be an exceptional commitment but I still love that man, that’s why finding love was out of the question. My family tried, but I refused to remarry. I have a friend who convinced me to forgive him. He asked me to release the negative emotions and remember only the positive things about him, but that was only possible after forgiving him. And you do not forgive him for him, or the society, but for yourself. And that’s the only way to find inner peace. Once the negativity is eliminated, what is left is just happiness.

Me: What is your message to the women who are going through domestic violence?

Veenu: The foremost thing is to say NO! That I’m not a toy that you can take advantage of. Self-confidence is empowerment. At the initial stage, remember, that there are agencies to counsel you and your marriage, and don’t be afraid that they will try to sabotage the relationship. Awaaz uthaao! Speak up. Seek help. Tell your friends, do anything, just don’t suffer. Don’t take eight and a half years to decide. Don’t let anything break the confidence in you. Of course, if the situations are extreme, it’s best to leave.

What an inspiring story. I’d like to add here that being independent plays a significant role in developing self-confidence. If a woman is facing such circumstances, she should be able to imagine a life without the assaulter. And it is then, that she is empowered.

If you are a victim of Domestic Violence and are seeking help, you can write an SOS e-mail to Jaipur Women Blog at . We will make sure that help reaches you.

 

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