For the past ten minutes, I’ve been sitting, staring at my computer screen, typing stuff, and the erasing it, because sincerely, I don’t know how to begin.

Is that what you do to everyone, Jyoti? Do you leave all of them spellbound by telling your brave, tear-jerking, happy-ending story? My conversation with Jyoti Dhawale Surve was an experience and something that was an outflow of a mix of emotions: anger, fear, love, hate, everything.

Jyoti Dhawal Surve, when she was merely three, suffered a hearing loss post an accident, and yet it wasn’t an obstacle big enough to let her from living her life to the fullest. Life blossomed for her when she fell in love with a friend.

Soon, they decided to tie the knot. Things went downhill from there. She got pregnant but discovered that her husband never wanted children. Though, he refused to use protection. Most of the times, vaginal condoms and contraceptives alone didn’t work.

This led to two subsequent abortions, and the third one changed Jyoti’s life forever. During the third abortion, due to the carelessness on the doctor’s part, Jyoti was infected with HIV. Her husband was diagnosed as HIV negative.

She was already pregnant for the fourth time when she discovered that she was HIV-positive. Against her husband’s will, she decided to give birth to her child, who was born HIV negative.

Her husband wanted to divorce her, and hence, continued badgering her, and even abused her physically. Once the two were divorced, Jyoti found love again in her now husband, Vivek, who is HIV-negative through a chat room, and soon they fell in love, and got married.

Jyoti is an HIV activist and has dedicated herself to the betterment of People Living with HIV/AIDS (PLWHA) across India and the world.

Jyoti and I had a fun WhatsApp chat, where she told me many untold stories of her life:

Me: How was life different before HIV?

Jyoti: Except for taking medicines every day, and doing lab tests every six months, nothing has changed.

Me: How did you rediscover love when you first met Vivek?

Jyoti: Love cannot be forced or enforced. It just happened over the course of time. I was attracted towards a profile picture of a man in biking gear next to his Honda Fireblade. But wait, the attraction wasn’t sudden! The guy, at first, was one who tried to pursue me through Yahoo chat and trying to befriend me. Trust me, it was a little irritating in the beginning!

Many times, I’ve rejected his friend request, too. *wink*

After many such attempts, I decided to give in and saw that profile picture. *giggle*

Our conversations were limited to “hello,” “how are you?” We met the first time when my father passed away. Vivek was a great emotional support, as I had no one beside me. I was in Mumbai while my father’s last rites were taking place in Hyderabad.

Vivek fell for me during our second meeting.

Me: Your story became more painful because abortion was not your choice. How did you heal yourself from the trauma?

Jyoti: I have never healed from this trauma. But, I have learned how to handle it. Vivek is very understanding and was really supportive of me when I told him that I didn’t want any children.

Me: Was Vivek’s family supportive of your relationship?

Jyoti: Initially, they were apprehensive. But, when they learned that HIV cannot be transmitted via touch, share, and etc., they relaxed a bit. They were also unsure because of the society.

But now, they see me and the work I do, and yes, the fact that I’ve done them proud by achieving two KarmaVeer Chakra (the award for social empowerment and justice, initiated by the UN), one bronze in 2015 and silver in 2016.

Me: How should our legislation modify itself to show better support to people with HIV?

Jyoti: Well, support begins with a change in mindset. Ignorance is the greatest killer, really, it’s no bliss. Once proper knowledge is imparted, the stigma will vanish.

Me: One thing that sets you and Vivek apart from other couples?

Jyoti: Only that he’s HIV negative, while I’m HIV positive, which makes us a Serodiscordant couple (in medical terms)! We are a mixed status couple.

Me: A ritual that you still follow?

Jyoti: Well, that’s a tough one. We are compatibilities apart. He is vegan, while I’m not. He fasts every Ekadasi, and is religious, while I’m spiritual, and I don’t fast. He is an animal lover and often goes on animal rescues, while I go to the gym.

The only way we are alike is that we return back to the same home! *Laughs*

Me: One memorable gift that you gave to him during your courtship?

Jyoti: Oops! I haven’t. Except, myself (Hope that doesn’t sound selfish!). As for him, he gifted me an iPhone, followed by an iPad and then an iPod, along came a Macbook.

Me: Wow, he really wants you to turn into an Apple Fanboi!

Jyoti: All of this, as long as I promise to behave well and be a loving wife, not a nagging one, haha!

Me: What’s one emotional story you came across while working as an activist?

Jyoti: There’s not one but many! I handle a lot of suicide-related cases due to depression with HIV. Also, the cases where the patients relapse when they don’t take proper medication and adhere to it…

A friend, who came from an indigent household passed away because of a TB relapse. I had told her that I would help her in all ways that I could – be it food or hospitalization, but I guess it didn’t work. When she had TB, I had her admitted to Sewri TB Hospital under the care of the best doctor who happened to be a friend. When she had a relapse months later, her brother called me up. Sadly, she didn’t make it. A statement she made touched me deeply, “People discriminate so much, but animals don’t. That’s why I love animals and live with them, and amongst them.”

Jyoti did leave me teary-eyed and reminded me again, the meaning of hope, and more importantly, courage. Courage can work wonders in your life, and Jyoti Dhawale Surve is a living example.