Isn’t it just happiness we are looking for, each day? Aren’t all our actions, thoughts, and efforts directed to achieve only one thing: happiness?

These were the first questions she asked me when we sat down over a cup of tea discussing life. Savi Bhushan, a Delhi-based design professional, shared with me her journey of 31 years and how she finally understood the importance of what she now calls, “Nanhi Khushiyan” (Little Joys).

Born and brought up in Delhi, Savi was the first child. A vibrant and chirpy girl, she always found happiness in little things. She spent hours looking at the fish in her aquarium and also had an electronic pet –Tamagotchi, which required all day attention and care like a baby.

“There were like buttons for feeding it, putting it to sleep, etc. And, I remember that even when I went to school, I would hand over this mammoth responsibility to Baba (grandfather), who would take care of my pet with as much love,” recalled Savi, “Indeed, it was a blissful childhood!”

After completing her course in fashion designing from NIFT, Savi started working. Now, heading the product development and sourcing for a buying house, she confessed her passion for work.

“I am doing my dream job, and I’m very passionate about it. It’s been 10 years into the work, and still, it excites me as much. But having said that, last year, I took a sabbatical of four months,” she announced.

“I just wanted some time for myself to explore my other passions and interests,” she explained.

“Wow! What did you do during the time?” intrigued, I asked.

“Ahhh! To begin, I have found new love, and that’s photography. I have joined a photography club and has also co-founded ‘White Antelope Photography‘ and take up . I have also done a couple of maternity shoots for my friends. Photographing the emotions of a couple during pregnancy is an inexpressible feeling and to be able to preserve a part of their journey is overwhelming,” she exclaimed.

A father on the beach with his sons.. #beach #beachesofinstagram #mirissa #srilanka #lankainstamag #fatherandson #children #kids #world_photography_club #ig_kids #ig_global_people #shotsofasia #ig_worldphoto #mypixeldiary #whiteantelopephotography #photocommune #beachfun #worldcaptures #beachwaves #sandandsea #theimaged #everydayeverywhere #everydayasia #beautiful_diaries #shotsofasia

A photo posted by Savi Bhushan (@savibhushan) on Nov 15, 2016 at 9:36am PST

Savi also shared with me how she had always strived to be happy in all situations.

“Every person has a difficult phase in life and suddenly you are filled with self-doubt, and you begin to ask yourself several questions. It’s not the most pleasant mind frame to be in,” said Savi.

In 2012, Savi married the love of her life, only to find out that it was a sham and was done to extract money from her family.

“I was madly in love with the guy and thought him to be the one. We got married a year later, and I was on cloud nine! However, a few days into marriage, I started getting hints that something was amiss. Initially, he and his family demanded money indirectly with a pretext for him to start his work and later the demands were direct and vocal. I have always strived (and taken pride) in being financially independent and capable of supporting myself. So, it was kind of demeaning that my husband wanted me to ask my parents for money. What hit me, even more, was the realization that from being the love of his life as I had thought, my place in his life was reduced to a means to fulfill his financial ambitions. It was distressing and it took a toll on me, emotionally and physically,” confided Savi.

“What was your family’s reaction?” I asked.

“I came back home in less than three months of my marriage. It was hard to explain it to my family because it was a love marriage! But my family stood beside me like a rock. Of course, initially, we all tried to make it work. I was sure that my love for him and sincerity and commitment to this marriage would make all the difference and so I went back to give it another chance. But while I couldn’t change their mindset and attitude, I came back a changed person,” she said.

“How did you deal with the emotional and mental stress while living with him and his family?” I questioned.

“It was a difficult time. It seemed like my life was crashing in front of me, and nothing was under my control. I felt helpless and was fighting the urges to become a recluse. However, I think my family and friends have been my greatest strength. If you have the support of your loved ones, you can deal with anything,” said Savi, with moist eyes.

“It was my birthday, wishes of “happy” birthday were flowing in. I realized that I was sick being sad. It was time to get a life back! I have always been a happy and positive person and deserved all the happiness in the world. I went to my husband and said, ‘I have decided to be happy and nothing you can do to change that.” It was the turning point for me. I felt liberated! I started reading, ‘The Secret’ and took up an online challenge,100 Days of Happiness.”

I was overwhelmed, and it was that day, I understood the true meaning of courage.

Over another cup of tea and some Marie biscuits, Savi discussed the one thing for which she had to fight with own herself: Body Acceptance and Body Positivity.

“For most of my life, I had been on a heavier side. My weight started posing problems to my health and that’s when I decided to lose weight. I had always been a food lover but I gave up on food and lost a lot of weight, at one point. I was very happy as my energy levels went up and I enjoyed the attention and compliments I was getting. However, at the same time, I was also facing a lot of societal pressure to lose more weight and to look a certain way. It drained me emotionally because I was succumbing to their pressure. I remember the day I decided to not give in anymore; that day I ate a chocolate meal!! Hahaha! ”

“I have learned to love myself and become more accepting of my body and have stopped abusing it with crazy diets and then binge-eating. I still wish to lose a little weight but only for health reasons. I know I am beautiful the way I am. And, that’s why for the first time, this summer I got myself a dress. I am breaking free from my own inhibitions through these little things and with each passing day, I am becoming more positive about my body,” she said, smiling.

Me: Way to go, Savi! How differently do you lead your life now as compared to before?

Savi: I have understood the joy of little things, ‘Nanhi Khushiya.’ We are so engrossed in waiting to find happiness in those “big” moments in our life that we fail to enjoy the little things in life. Now, I embrace the love for little things. Like, a perfect cup of tea that keeps me going all day, hearing my favorite song while driving back from work, etc. Now, I want to pursue my interest, go out of my comfort zone and learn new things. I want to be a professional photographer. I have started practicing Reiki (level 1) and took up some pottery classes and sucked at it! I am reconnecting with my family and friends and loving how my life is changing every day.

Me: And, how do you see love, now?

Savi: My perception of love has evolved. You must love and value yourself the way you would want to be loved by someone else. And then, love is a journey of two individuals that you take as one. It’s about finding a friend who shares your interests. And, I have understood that it is not just a bed of roses, there will be a share of difficulties which can be resolved only when both partners understand, care, and respect each other. 

Me: True that! You shared with us that your parents have been your biggest support. Many times, girls are pressurized by their own families to make their marriage work even in dire circumstances. How would you advise such parents to support their daughters?

Savi: Initially, even I was hesitant to tell my parents. However, they have always assured me that they are with me – even when I wanted to go back and try to make it work and even when I decided that there was no choice but to move out. And, this support became my biggest strength which got me out, stronger than ever. Please listen to your child without any preconceived notions and take decisions keeping in mind their long-term happiness. It is engrained in our value system that the ideal daughter, sister, wife, daughter in law is one who is self-sacrificing and places the happiness of others before herself. Free her from that burden and let her pursue her own happiness.

Another thing I have realized is that Indian parents want to protect their child from making mistakes. But, aren’t we all humans? Aren’t we supposed to learn from our mistakes? Rather than making your children fearful of committing mistakes, the parents should teach them how to acknowledge their mistake, take responsibility for their actions, and act upon it. I can sustain being in this happy mental space because I know and have fully accepted that marrying the guy wasn’t the best decision I made. But, I did everything I could to save my marriage and after that, I had to move on. And how I deal with it is my decision and responsibility, not that of my parents or the society.

Me: You are so right, never thought of it, this way. And, what advice would you give to the women who are suffering from abuse?

Savi: I would like all the women to understand few things. First, you must understand that whoever is trying to oppress you also has a social image to protect. So, assert yourself and try talking to them about it. Make it clear that things cannot go on like this or it will be out in the open for the world to know. There’s no shame!

Another thing you must instill in your mind is that you are entitled to happiness.

Third, be aware of your fundamental rights and don’t shy away from taking necessary actions.

Fourth, believe in yourself. If you are strong enough to take charge of a man and his family and your own family, understand that you can build a life on your own, with or without a man. Realize your own worth.

Fifth, never ever think that you are alone in it. Share your problems with your close ones. They will understand and will help you to come out of the situation.

Lastly, don’t ever endure anything wrong because of the mentality, ‘Log kya kahege.’ It’s you who have to live your life and you deserve a happy life as much as any other person.

Three cups of ‘chai’ and many Marie biscuits later, I knew it was time to say goodbye. While in a cab to the office, I pondered over the conversation and realized, “She didn’t wish for a happy ending. She worked for a happy life.”

(This article was first published on December 13, 2016)