Monday, October 03 2016, 03:37:21
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Himanshu Roy

JWB Blogger

Do You Know How Long Do Couples Wait To Have Sex In An Arranged Marriage? Let’s Find Out.

  • JWB Post
  •  August 26, 2016


Is it just me, or the hype surrounding ‘Suhagraat’ in India has ever stuck out as an eyesore to you as well?

From guffawing adolescent teens getting bleary-eyed after lengthy discussions with their friends about plans for the Suhagraat night to its portrayal in countless films and TV serials, there is definitely something wrong about the way we see the first night after marriage.

Now, let’s get some of the facts straight. By the general perception, Suhagraat is only about getting laid and revolves around the man’s prowess on the bed than on anything else.

But in the case of arranged marriages, where the married people aren’t acquainted for a long time, how realistic is this idea of having sex?

First, we have to decide that what sex means to us? To be honest, if we go by the general idea of sexual intercourse in Suhagraat as portrayed by movies, your wife brings you a glass of milk and asks you to drink it.

Now, the milk is equivalent to red herring, and after that the lights go out it’s all about sex.

It is this shitty portrayal of the first night after the wedding that has churned out numerous fantasies and misconceptions which are dear to people from all age-groups.

But has it ever occurred to you, that if you go by this version of Suhagraat, the chances are that what you are doing is not sexual intercourse but rape?

In questions answered at Quora, couples have spoken about how long they waited to have sex after marriage because, believe it or not, what you see on the celluloid screen is far from reality.

An anonymous woman wrote that she was actually shivering on the first night of her marriage thinking that she will have to be physically intimate with her husband, a man whom she still didn’t know well and wasn’t ready at all to have sex with.

She goes on to say that how she was relieved to know that her husband too wasn’t willing to have sex, this soon after marriage.

As you can see, instead of the seemingly usual drill with the milk, this is the reality of the first night of the wedding.

Now, let’s consider that her husband was keen on having sex and had forced himself on his wife, wouldn’t that be equivalent to rape, where the woman is unwilling to have intercourse but have to submit to the wishes of the man.

Heck, marriage is not done only for sex and intercourse is not something that you have with any random person, entirely ignoring the emotional aspect of it.

Another man at Quora puts it in the best possible way, “You don’t do sex just for the heck of it. It has to be enjoyed and felt, and we both knew it wasn’t going to be the case.”

The only thing that such portrayal of the first night of the wedding can do is create more misplaced fantasies that will only promote rape culture in the country. Because in the end, the Suhagraat is as much about what the woman wants as that her husband.

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