Send me a box of chocolates for I watched Housefull 3 this Sunday.

Honestly, while I was putting my money into buying the ticket, a large bucket of cheese popcorn and coke, my heart knew how ‘Indian Entertainment’ movies are like. The plots are 99.6% similar. Three friends who want to marry their three girlfriends (who are sisters) come up with funny (ahem…Lame) plans to win over their father-in-law.

In Housefull 3, one of B-towns finest actors Boman Irani (Why Boman, why?) is the wealthy father who has three beautiful daughters Ganga, Jamuna and Saraswati played by Jacqueline Fernandez, Lisa Haydon, and Nargis Fakhri respectively. He doesn’t want to get them married. However, the girls already have boyfriends Sandy, Bunty and Teddy played by Akshay Kumar, Abhishek Bachchan, and Riteish Deshmukh respectively.

The boys are broke and have got big dreams to fulfill. Hence, the hurry with the matrimony.

In the first ten minutes, you will realize where the script is heading. The London-ish girls in their firangi accent (Now I know why Jacqueline, Lisa and Nargis!) have a habit of speaking the literal translations of the ‘cool’ lingo. For example, “Thandi waali dawa le lo” – Take a chill pill, and “Chalo bahar latakte hain” – Let’s hang out.

The movie also shows Akshay suffering from the Split Personality Disorder. The Sandy in him turns into Sundy whenever somebody says ‘Indian’ because living in London has given him a bitter taste of racism. Sundy, the aggressive patriotic, likes to beat everyone who comes in his way. But Hullo, dear makers, how are you trying to focus on racism with your film when you show three black maids working for the family? To add to this, they even make some repulsive references to their wombs.

If you have ample patience to bear all this, you might like the movie. However, if you are sensitive about social issues, you might find a major flaw with the dialogues of the film. The reason why Boman’s character doesn’t want his three ‘pretty’ daughters to marry their boyfriends is because they are handicapped.

At one point of time, he looks really worried and says – “I want them to marry ‘normal’ boys.”

Okay, I understand most of us wouldn’t want our kids to have disabled soul mates, but this isn’t something to declare in the public. Some disapprovals should remain personal because they don’t sound human, you see. I felt extremely bad for those physically challenged ones who had come to watch the movie and have a good time.

Psst, how I wish all of us would overcome this mindset. Why are we so calculative?

However, later the characters are shown regretting and confessing in the church for mocking the lives of physically-challenged people for their benefits – to obtain empathy from their father in order to get married. What further ridiculous is a priest coming over to them and telling “The God will forgive you because you did all this for love”. Excuse me?  Is this how you will defend yourself?

Another blip in the movie is its sexist dialogues that will make the लोफ़र्स around you in the movie hall whistle. There’s one moment when Akshay’s character calls his girlfriend ‘Doodh ki Katori’. Thank you, sir, for providing the eve-teasers in the streets with another one-liner. Also, Abhishek character, a Rapper, has some ridiculous songs to add to your playlist. One is – “Teri maa behen, maa behen, maa behen, maa behen….”, while the other one goes like this – “Abhi abhi shake, abhi shake, shake shake…”

Anyway, here’s one confession. Something in the movie made me whistle, too. It was Jaggu dada, Jackie Shroff. I bet, every woman in the hall must have skipped a beat seeing him on-screen. Gosh, I lost track of my beats when he got off his Mercedes G63 AMG 6×6.

Lastly, I will let you be the judge in the case of songs. There is one song where the three actors sing “Taang uthake” and even perform the act.