Tuesday, October 18 2016, 02:18:37
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  • She Says

Priya Motiani

JWB Blogger

#SheSays: My Husband Is Poorer Than Me & My Relatives Are Cashing On It

  • JWB Post
  •  August 10, 2016


Clawed in the societal dogmas of class and status that surround marriage, is stuck this woman, just like almost every other woman in the Indian society. Her wish to marry the man of her choice sure came true, but the road down the line isn’t so easy. Can you help her eliminate the bitterness that has crept into her otherwise blissful relationship with her husband?

Censored is no joke. Censored is that part of JWB which enables a woman to reveal that hidden, sacred part of herself which the society has been successful in tarnishing. It is a platform which empowers women to open up, share, reach epiphanies, and inspire thousands of our readers worldwide without facing the evil ire of societal condemnation. So, read on. But, don’t judge.


I am a 26-year-old woman who married the love of her life 3 years back. But our marriage wasn’t an easy one.

I come from one of the city’s most elite and high-standard families. He, on the other hand, belongs to a middle-class family. Needless to say, a lot many difficulties came our way due to the difference in our status – both financial and societal.

However, our love persevered.

We knew our love had a will, we knew it would find a way.

And eventually, it did.

I stood unaffected by every effort that was made to separate us. I turned a deaf ear on every persuasion that was made to make me believe that he was not worthy of me, that my basic necessities were luxuries for him. How would he provide for me then? I ignored all of these apprehensions that I was being fed.

He, on the other hand, bore every nasty remark. From our relationship being labeled as a fling to being called his lottery to wealth, he heard it all. And he stayed calm in the face of everything, patiently and kindly pursuing my parents trying to convince them.

And eventually, they got convinced. All my relatives & friends and all his relatives & friends followed suit and rejoiced in our union.

Or so I thought.

Because it was only after a little while that I realized how this extended social circle was smoking its puff of gossip on my blissful married life.

The far-off relatives and some distant friends, on both his side and mine, often gossip behind our backs about how my husband (let’s call him D) got lucky, and how I turned from a princess into a ‘bechari’.

D and I never sensed this negativity till it became too apparent to ignore.He has been working hard day and night to provide a life of luxury for me. And when, on my birthday, he gifted me an iPhone, all that his friends and relatives had to say was, “Beta, aur kya mila tumhe apne papa ke ghar se?”

Whenever D shared his thoughts about starting a new business with his chachas and mamas, all they do is ignore his concerns over capital saying, “Arey tumhe kis baat ki fikar! Tumhare sasur ji baithe hain na! Sab sambhal lenge.”

Given the self-made and responsible gentleman that D is, he never even could think of such a thing! I could swear by the fact that taking advantage of my father’s financial name and status never crossed his mind.

Then why do people superimpose his wife’s family’s status on his hard work and effort. Wherever he goes, whatever he does, the influence of my dad’s name follows him like a shadow. He never asked for it!

All this was still okay. D continued ignoring this shallow mindset and kept working hard. But things changed for the worse when my side of the family started viewing me in a sympathetic light.

At my cousin’s wedding, a lot of my distant relatives eyed my relatively simple attire and lack of grand jewels, and came up to me expressing their supposed concerns…

“How are you putting up with your new life? Everything seems so different from the way you were pampered and cared for before. Kaise kismat palat gayi tumhari!”

…and somehow, they always made sure they did this in front of D. I never bothered to respond to their shallow concerns because all they cared about was the number of diamonds I was wearing. They never paid attention to the glow of happiness that had illuminated me from within and without.

But, these comments caused a far deeper impact on D. He couldn’t bear his wife being looked down upon.

He began to feel guilty.

Guilty for not being able to provide me the grand and pompous life – a life that I never really craved for, to begin with.

His guilt and frustration crept like termites into my blissful married life. He built walls around himself and stopped letting me in.

He turned taciturn.

We do not talk as much as we used to. While leaving for work, he bids me a formal goodbye instead of kissing me passionately like he used to before. Noticing his change of behavior, when I try to talk to him, he avoids the conversation saying either he’s tired or that he is busy. When I try to push, we end up having miserable fights.

Despite all this, I do know that our love is still the same. I once caught him staring at me and brushing my hair when he thought I was asleep. I actually wasn’t. I was pretending. But in that brief moment, I felt not just his fragrance, but the fragrance of our love.

It’s been six months since we have had a decent conversation. He has clouded himself with work, and more work. I see a passion in him – a deep and strong longing for materialistic and shallow things.

And I don’t know how to make him realize the fact that all I want in life is HIM. Not the artificial clutter. I want to climb his walls and be with him again.

I need your support. Will you help me?

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