JWB spoke over the phone with a Jaipur woman who wished to share how she found out about her husband’s true sexual orientation, and how it in turn helped save that spark in her marriage. WARNING: CONTAINS EXPLICIT ADULT CONTENT.

Censored is no joke. Censored is that part of JWB which enables a woman to reveal that hidden, sacred part of herself which society has been successful in tarnishing. It is a platform which empowers women to open up, share, and inspire thousands of our readers worldwide without facing the evil ire of societal condemnation. So, read on. But, don’t judge.

#SheSays:

I am a 39-year-old married businesswoman. My husband, a garment exporter, is a ruthless business shark who married his business empire long before I came into the picture. We have a son who study in a boarding school since neither of us was willing to take time off from our respective careers to stay at home and look after his education.

No, we are not heartless. Just motivated to achieve big in life.

This gut-wrenching thirst for success was what made our highly ambitious souls connect with one another and has helped maintain our married life for nearly a decade.

My husband (let’s call him Z) and I rarely had the time to open up to each other, since our idea of relaxation was a little quiet time by the pool before our schedules forced us to get off our bums and get moving. Yes, we did communicate with each other but our conversations revolved mainly around our work, our children, and our social presence.

But I was content with the way my life was; without any hassles or drama.

Until one day.

I was supposed to fly to Switzerland, but my flight got postponed by 24 hours due to some technical difficulties in the aircraft. So, I called a cab and made my way back home. Z had just returned from Beijing in the morning, and was supposed to leave for Milan in two days.

The wheels in my brain started turning at an embarrassing speed.

Our marriage had lost its spark, and it had been a long time since we did something crazy together. Hence, in an attempt to spice up things, I planned to give him the surprise of a lifetime!

As soon as I reached home, I rushed hurriedly to our floor and saw Z sprawled on the sofa. I started tip-toeing towards him with the blind-fold. As I inched closer, I saw that his laptop was propped open over his knees. I stopped. Blind-folding him in the middle of a video conference would be considered as a suicide-attempt, and so I waited.

I shifted my position to get a clear look at Z’s face. It had been so long since we both had the time to act like a couple of horny newly-weds!

And then I froze.

Z had his hand down his pants, and his eyes were closed in ecstasy. He was inhaling through his mouth, and moaning. What kind of a business conference was it?

I shifted again to get a clear look at the laptop screen. On the screen, a gorgeous naked man was busy doing some dirty gestures with his tongue, hands, and errm…

I listened with all my might and caught the naked man on the screen saying, “Yes! Yes Z! Just like that. Imagine I’m on top of you and…..”

The next sound that reverberated in the room was that of my scream.

Z opened his eyes and stood up hastily. With un-zipped jeans, he stared at me in part-disbelief part-shame.

Z stuttered: It’s really not what it looks like.

I spit out: It looked like you were having sex with a man on live chat. I would love to hear what other bullshit explanation you can come up with.

Z tried to play the victim by saying: Aren’t you supposed to be at the airport? Did you come back to spy on me?

What, seriously?

I hissed through my teeth: You bastard! How dare you? You disgusting..

Z finally gave in and said: It was just a onetime thing, I swear! I was experimenting!

I shouted angrily at him: We have been married for 10 years, for god’s sake. I can tell when you’re lying. Tell me honestly Z, are you gay?

Z tried his best to avoid my gaze and murmured: No…not exactly

I was about to pull my hair out: Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean? Its time to come clean Z. If you lie to me once more, you’ll be speaking to my divorce attorney.

The worry on his face was evident when Z said: Okay okay. Yes, I like men. But I like women too.

I screamed: What does that mean?

Z sighed and said: I am bisexual. I love having sex with you but I won’t mind bending over for a man either. I know, I should have told you, but this is a part of me that I am too ashamed to admit.

It took me a minute to comprehend what he was trying to say. My curiosity piqued, and I asked: Have you ever had sex with a man?

Z: I used to. But that was before we got married. After that, I did not want to cheat on you with a man and that’s why I have been satiating my other sexual desires over live chat and stuff.

My brain just couldn’t take it anymore.

Darkness engulfed my senses and I collapsed onto the floor.

When I woke up, I was lying on the futon and Z was kneeling by my side with an ice-pack in hand.

My husband was bi-sexual.

I wondered if I should just walk out of the marriage and let him live his life the way he wanted to. But I realized I didn’t have the heart to be that narrow-minded, or judgmental for that matter. He was naturally attracted to men, and he couldn’t help it. Maybe I could just delete this day from my memory and continue with my life?

I felt like life was mocking me.

Z: I am ready to apologize a million times for not having the guts to come clean earlier, but I can’t apologize for my sexual orientation.

I took a deep breath and said: I know you can’t. But, I’ll need some time to accept your new life.

Z: Okay listen, I have an idea. Do you remember when we got married and I asked you about your sexual fantasies?

Me: Where are you going with this, Z?

Z: You told me that you’ve always wanted to have a threesome.

Me: Yeah, so?

Z: Do you want to try? That way we both can have a good time together and get equally sexually satisfied.

I stared at him for nearly 10 minutes, waiting for him to yell “April Fool” or something. But he didn’t. He was genuinely waiting for a reply. I realized that he wasn’t joking, and started thinking.

Yes, in theory, I have been wanting to experiment with my sexuality. However practically, it scared the living daylight out of me.

But then, there was nothing wrong in trying. I could give it a try to make our marriage work better. There was no way I could spend my life living a lie. I had to face the reality, and this was it. Our relationship was hanging by a thread, and my decision could either light the thread on fire or help give it a little more strength.

And so after a couple of days, I gave his idea of having a threesome with one of his old bi-sexual friends, the green light. I had to try otherwise I just wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.

He invited his friend over the next night.

And then, something amazing happened.

It was the first time I had seen Z enjoy himself so thoroughly. There was this raw energy manifesting between us that drove me crazy. He had nothing to hide anymore. His guard was down, his masks had slipped away and he was finally being himself in front of me.

He loved me like he had never before. Both Z and I were getting more attention in bed than we were used to. My senses were on fire!

After that night, I noticed a huge change in our relationship. My willingness to save the marriage re-ignited a lamp of love in his heart, and all that hidden passion & lust started bubbling up towards the surface.

We started looking forward to our time together and made sure that it was utilized “efficiently”. I started taking more risks with my sexuality, and he helped me explore all those dark, hidden corners of my being.

I learnt that happiness stems from acceptance, and the will to save or repair something if it gets broken. Instead of throwing it all away, if you try to find a way to make it work (however unconventional it may seem to be) then at least you won’t spend your life regretting about that one chance you didn’t take, which might’ve made everything better.

Life is short. Just do whatever floats your boat! 

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