Did You Know These 8 Shocking Things About Brazilian Bikini Wax?
- JWB Post
- April 16, 2016
Every girl has a unique story of her first ‘wax’. I don’t mean arms, no. That’s not too scary. I mean the pubic hair! Now, before you cringe at the thought of getting the hair pulled off, remember that the result is worth the pain.
Here’s an excerpt where Charlotte York discusses her first encounter with Brazillian Bikini Wax, and she felt that she’d not been warned properly.
1. My waxer, a diligent woman, put her hands everywhere like it was no big deal. No piece of my anatomy was left untouched. Boyfriends have been less thorough than this waxer.
2. At one point I had to hold my butt cheeks apart so she could get wax in places I didn’t know there was even hair. (Blame it on my upbringing, but I don’t look at my undercarriage unless something hurts down there.)
3. She put so much wax in my crack that I thought I felt my butthole getting sealed shut. I started to panic momentarily, thinking I might suffocate, even though I know I don’t breathe through my butthole.
4. At this salon, there is a fan. A small desk fan that points at your genitals to cool down the extremely hot wax that has just been applied there. There are moments when I wanted to go back to the ripping and the burning because it’s just so awkward to sit there with a fan pointed at my crotch.
5. When I go to pee afterward, there is no steady, normal stream. It goes everywhere like a lawn sprinkler.
6. When I walk, it feels like I have cold cuts (the deli meat, not like cuts that are cold) in my pants.
7. Also, I had to go to my regular Wednesday spin class because I’d reserved a bike and it was too late to cancel. Did you know that post-Brazilian, you can feel sweat in your ass crack in a totally new and different way? Now you do.
8. And finally, when I went to shower and scrubbed my nethers, they just didn’t feel like mine.
You know when your friends have a baby, and they whisper the gross things that happen during childbirth? They always qualify it with, “no one ever tells you.” I feel like that. Only instead of a baby, I have buhgina baldness. I wish I could say this whole thing is a crime against women that’s worthy of a Law & Order: SVU episode. But sadly for my feminist fury, I kind of like the end results. (Who knows if I’ll feel the same way once it starts growing back in, but for now, I’m into it.)
If you’ve never dabbled in the Brazilian arts, you can decide for yourself if that fun, streamlined, aerodynamic feel is worth all of the pain and awkwardness. But you won’t be able to say, “No one ever told me.”
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