A  couple of days back, a woman wrote to JWB in confidence regarding the status of her married life. She is a woman longing for some love, but her husband is neither emotionally connected with her nor physically inclined towards her.  She is depressed and trapped. Can you help her?

JWB’s section, “Censored“, features real women narrating real stories. Stories, which are usually censored by the society are given a platform. There is absolutely no room for judgment or condemnation. Women can open up about their personal issues, reach epiphanies, inspire women all around the world, and seek an expert advice. Read on, and get your dosage of empowerment.

#SheSays:

I am a practical woman with a creative soul, internally dying each day because of my romantic heart.

Ever since I was a child, I used to stare out of windows and picture a knight in shining armor riding towards me on a white stallion. As I grew up, my dreams and aspirations changed, but this longing and yearning for a pure, unadulterated love did not seem to dwindle anytime soon.

I felt like a hopeless romantic stuck in the age of mindless, emotionless hookups. It was odd how waiting for one true love was considered baffling by my friends, but the idea of indulging in meaningless liaisons with strange men was acceptable.

People around me were getting into relationships either to ward off loneliness or satiate their sexual needs.

I wasn’t lonely, nor horny.

I just wanted a man to love.

After years of spinsterhood, I eventually gave up this “crazy” idea of looking for “love”, and decided to settle down like everybody else. I felt like the universe was playing a cruel prank on me since fate made me settle down in a terribly plain and loveless marriage.

It was a typical arranged marriage, where my parents bestowed upon me the greatest opportunity of meeting a complete stranger, and giving me barely 15 minutes to get to know him. He possessed all the necessary credentials to look good on paper and so, my family went completely ga-ga over him. They handed me over to him on a golden platter, with full consent to have socially-acceptable sexual intercourse.

I started believing that maybe some love stories start festering after two people have been forced to live in the same room, share the same bed, and see each other every day. With renewed optimism, I started looking forward to my new life.

I had willed my heart into accepting this man as my possible prince charming.

How fucking stupid was I?

During these seven years of marriage, the man has had the desire to touch me only thrice. Yes, we’ve had sex only three times in seven years.

Initially, I had convinced myself that he was a noble man who wanted to give me space and a chance to know him completely first before we start ravishing each other in bed. I thought he was giving me the liberty to fall in love with him first. So, I waited.

I have been waiting for seven years now, and I have not been able to gain a morsel of love or care from the stranger I have been sharing my bed with.

Innumerable nights have I sat on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out. All I wanted was a little love from the man, and in returned he gave me self-doubt, hatred and sleepless nights.

For years, the man has made me question my attractiveness and beauty, and that’s one of the most horrible things a human being could do to a woman. This self-loathing crippled my self-confidence and turned me into a suicidal, depressed, dejected, sad, and frustrated woman.

One day, I mustered all my courage to confront the stranger sipping tea in our bed. He couldn’t seem to be less bothered about this issue, nor he did he wish to accept that his lack of sexual appetite could be due to some emotional or psychological concerns. He refused to see a specialist and is still practically blind towards our frayed relationship.

Unable to carry this weight of rejection on my shoulders anymore, I have decided to make some changes for my betterment.

Is it wrong for me to look for genuine love outside of my marriage?

But wouldn’t that be less criminal than marrying someone and depriving them of love, passion, and bonding? My husband feels more like a cousin to me, far from being a better-half.

I want to leave him for good, but it’s terribly difficult to walk away from everything when you’ve shared a life with someone for nearly a decade. I have no family support, on top of that.

I’m trapped, and I’m suffocating more with each passing day.

I am still a woman searching for love, but my prince refuses to rescue me.

I just want to love and be loved in return.

Is it too much to ask?

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We urge our readers to help this woman out by providing her with a solution, or words of encouragment. She is all alone in her quest for finding a true love. 

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