This is the story of a woman who does not feel attractive, in comparison to her handsome husband. She is battling severe self-consciousness and self-doubt. The stigma of her inadequate beauty has broken her from inside. 

JWB’s latest section, “Censored“, features real women narrating real stories. Stories, which are usually censored by the society are given a platform. There is absolutely no room for judgement or condemnation. Women can open up about their personal issues, reach epiphanies, inspire women all around the world, and seek an expert advice. Read on, and get your dosage of empowerment.

#SheSays:

I am starving. For food and his love.

I am a 35 year-old successful entrepreneur, who is married to a drop-dead gorgeous man.

My husband is an illustrious businessman, who has  a flair for hoarding designer clothes straight from the runway. He always dresses impeccably, which serves as a compliment to his tall frame and broad shoulders. His strong features make him ruggedly handsome, and his undying sense of chivalry makes women go ga-ga over him.

I, on the other hand, am dusky and plump. I have a muffin top, coupled with bulging love handles and a comfortable tummy. Starving myself of good food has only made me cranky and frustrated. I am not graceful, nor do I consider myself attractive. I am not as genetically gifted as my husband.

As a woman, I feel that it is my responsibility to be the beautiful one.

Our fathers have been friends for years, and so, an arranged marriage was on the cards for us. As a business major, I handle a major chunk of my husband’s business. In times of crisis and worry, I have always been there for him and his business. We communicate and work well with each other professionally, but when it comes to our personal life, that spark and that maddening passion have always been missing.

We have a beautiful daughter, who thankfully, has inherited her father’s genes. She’s beautiful, with a peaches and cream complexion. I quietly keep admiring the father-daughter duo from afar. I do not feel  like a part of the family.

I hate going to parties. Whenever we’re together, I always feel that I’m not good enough to stand beside him. I’m scared get a photograph with him, which might get printed in the newspapers. I just don’t want a million other strangers judging me. While he confidently gets his pictures clicked with everybody, I stand quietly at the back, trying to avert my eyes from all the  delicious food being served.

I opened his Facebook account and noticed that he gets a lot of pictures clicked with beautiful models, but there were none with me. He either really is ashamed to be seen with me, or maybe I am reading too much into it.

His profession compels him to be always surrounded by beautiful women at all times. Therefore, whenever he goes away on business trips, or comes home late, I get extremely stressed. This has started to show on my face, and I look more tired than ever.

I spend my days trying to get lean and model-esque, while trying on different skin-lightening techniques. Earlier, my main priority used to be the business house, but now, my appearance has taken the front seat.

And I just can’t help feeling this way. My husband’s ‘man-beauty’ is fueling my dormant self-esteem issues.

Expert Says:

JWB invited Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa, a reputed sexologist from the Vivan Hospital for Sexual Health, Jaipur for an expert advice:

“It is extremely important for you to feel good about yourself first. Beauty is not only skin-deep. There is no harm in trying to better yourself, but don’t let your negative thoughts control your life. Accept your flaws, and be confident. If you do not love yourself, others wont get a chance too. You need to talk to your husband too, about your self-doubt issues. Maybe he can dispel some of your fears, once he gets to know about them.

One can feel sexually attractive, if they have an active sex life. That magic can only be brought back, once you’re sure of yourself. You need to build your self-esteem primarily. Only you can help yourself. Be open to professional counselling and workshops, which can help you embrace your inner-beauty. You do not need the validation of the society to feel good about yourself.”