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#SheSays: My Mother Is Sleeping With My Ex-boyfriend. How Do I Confront Her?

  • JWB Post
  •  October 17, 2016


JWB’s section, “Censored,” features real women narrating real stories. Stories, which are usually censored by the society are given a platform.

There is absolutely no room for judgment or condemnation. Women can open up about their personal issues, reach epiphanies, inspire women all around the world, and seek an expert advice. Read on, and get your dosage of empowerment.

My mother met my father when they were attending the same Economics lecture in the college back in the late 70s. My love story was almost similar to theirs except that we broke up after six years of dating.

Aseem (name changed) and I were school sweethearts. He asked me out when we were in grade 9. He was tall and loved sporting long mane. I was that shy girl who fortunately won the Homecoming Queen title in the school. Aseem was famous for breaking the school’s record of the best Football player. He was an excellent Chess player, as well. We were perfect together. Believe me, when the other school girls got to know we’re together, most of them stopped talking to me. But you know how it is, I never cared. After all, I was living a beautiful life.

I was a studious child and had never dreamt of having a fancy boyfriend. I was happy shuffling my time between my family, tuition friends and swimming classes in the evening. But Aseem changed it all. From sitting together in the classroom to sharing lunch and then texting each other after school to keep in touch, we were that clichéd couple. Totally in love.

Since my parents are extremely open-minded, I introduced them to Aseem. They liked him instantly and hence, I was granted the permission to go out with him for birthday parties and sometimes, weekend fun. They saw a potential son-in-law in him, I guess. Soon, his visits to home became regular, and our families began attending dinner parties together. We were happy that our families were friends with one another, now.

Almost two years down the line, Aseem began showing me his other side. We graduated to grade 12 when an opportunity of a foreign tour popped up. From about 75 students, parents of only 15 students agreed to send their kids to Singapore.  Aseem and I were also a part of the bunch. We were excited, and every day, we would make lists of clothes and other things we wanted to carry for our first ‘official’ 5-day trip.

Okay, I understand that it’s common for us youngsters to consume liquor nowadays, but what happened during our stay became my nightmare. From day one itself, he began behaving abruptly. By day 5, he had slapped me while drunk and high on cocaine. The reason was – I refused to taste Vodka. I observed how he behaved when his friends were around. In front of them, he was that strong guy who scored the prettiest girl in the school. According to his buddies, he was the lion, and I was supposed to stay inside his den. I was meant to follow his instructions and never say No to him. Basically, I was just an arm candy for him.

Upon returning, I asked myself what went wrong. Maybe, I was a bad girlfriend. After all, he behaved perfectly fine in front of our parent’s every time. I decided to be okay with the fact and we continued till the second year of our graduation. We went to the same college of Mass Communication in Pune. Once again, things started to turn ugly. With the help of my new friends, I decided to give everything a break.

Meanwhile, my mother kept bothering me with her queries of what was going on with us. Aseem used to discuss everyday happenings with her. Where I went, whom I met, who I was speaking to – he would tell her everything about me. I was okay, as he had always been close to my parents from the day he met them.

After five years, he decided to come back to Jaipur and take over his father’s export business. I shifted to Delhi to intern with a huge media house. Today, Aseem and I are in touch and get to meet his family almost every other weekend when I visit Jaipur and also during festivals. But I feel something fishy. I agree that I shouldn’t expect people to behave awkwardly when they are around Aseem and me, but an over-friendly conduct is weird.

I am noticing that Aseem spends ‘more than enough’ time with my mother. When he is happy, he calls up my mom to tell her the good news. When he’s sad, he comes home to shed tears. Mom loves cooking for him, as much as she does for me. He takes her for grocery shopping when dad is not around. She accompanies him for shoe shopping. For the record, Aseem’s mom has asthma and doesn’t prefer going out much. But that DOES NOT mean he gets to snatch my mom!

I know I shouldn’t be thinking worse than this, but I sense something wrong in the air. Last time I was in Delhi and called up mom to talk about my Diwali vacation, he was at home. Dad went to Mysore for his business meeting, and mom was feeling alone, so she called Aseem up at our place. She was chirping about how she’s prepared Rajma-Chawal for him and that they were going out for dinner. I felt creepy and hung up. I immediately called Sakshi (name changed), my childhood friend from the neighborhood in a pretext to take care of mom while dad was away.

She said, “Aunty isn’t alone, someone has been staying with her, I guess. I saw a white Honda Civic parked outside your home in the morning today; it’s still here. Maybe your relative or her friend is already here to give her the company. If this is not the case, lemme know! I will go with mom to visit her.”

Aseem bought a white Civic earlier this year and I have no clue, what the hell he was doing at my home all those days. Soon after this, I dialed up the number of Aseem’s cousin (we share the same friend circle). As if Sakshi’s information wasn’t enough, his cousin’s made sure I get shaken up inside out. He mentioned that Aseem is out of town from last three days and that he’s only returning home on the 10th of this month.

I came back on October 15th and will be staying at home till November 3rd. I haven’t actually talked to my mom since then. My conversations are limited to Yes and No. She’s worried if everything is okay with me. Dad is back too. Two days back, he invited Aseem’s family for dinner. I couldn’t gulp anything down my throat. I don’t know how to react. That night, I didn’t greet Aseem or his family. I don’t want to look at their faces. I know, my presumptions can prove to be wrong and even if I am right, his family has nothing to do with it.

Dear Team JWB, kindly help me. Since I have nobody to discuss this issue with, I am writing to you. I request you to keep my name behind the curtain. It’s possible; I sound nonsense right now.

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